Have you ever noticed that the minute you take in negative energy, have a bad day, in a bad mood – the whole world looks glum?
I have had my fair share of rainy days. My moods have swung from Highs to Low Lows in a matter of seconds. I have felt so alone in a room full of people.
Most people think I am bubbly, funny, extroverted and confident. I am not. Its a complete act. A disguise for a very insecure, scared, uncomfortable girl. I tend not to share a lot of myself with people. I have been hurt in the past. I tend not to shout out when I am sad and tell people around me what is going on.
This leads me to be a resting shoulder for others. Lately I have been feeling my feelings are bubbly at the surface, I am getting a voice but I cant seem to get my words out. So I am left listening to everyone elses worries and woes while my own is left on the side lines. Have you ever noticed how most people don’t listen to you? They just want to get out their own stuff? Is it just me, or don’t you find that no one really cares whats going on with you, they are so wrapped up in themselves? Normally this would suit me well, I don’t like being in the spotlight. Mostly because I take peoples words and twist it into something negative. Like they are only asking how I am so that they can point out my flaws, they want to see my weaknesses. Its bizarre to everyone who knows me that I feel this way. Perhaps because they just don’t understand me. Perhaps the main problem I don’t understand me.
This is turning into a bit of tangent/rant. But I guess what I am trying to say is that I need to worry less, and try be more happy. Internally happy. Because what appears on the outside of me looks happy but what is under my skin is like a disease boiling to the surface every now and then. Waiting patiently for a rainy day, so it can seep out of me like a bad wound.